“The Penile Padlock” (Post #34) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower
Years ago, I thought of inventing an odor-control liner for my underwear (containing activated charcoal). After being in close proximity with the general public, I thought it may come in handy. After all, I do like onions. Well, I never DID invent that, and by now, I’m sure someone else has become a millionaire with that idea.
So – now I’m working on the details of my second underwear peripheral, the ‘Penile Padlock’. Its function? It would provide control when the male user has little or no control of his passion.
Some of its features would include: compatible with both briefs and boxers; automatic locking feature whenever it senses arousal; and the all important feature – it would be dishwasher safe!
And now to get serious. . . In my last post (#33), I promised that I would offer suggestions of how you could “control that out-of-control attraction to your date’s body, so you can continue to date them without compromising your beliefs and morality.” So, here we go. I have not looked at anyone else’s research on this topic, so these suggestions are solely based on my ‘findings’. (OK, OK, they’re based on my mistakes!)
1. First of all, you must have a faith-based morality. If you have no ethics, and just enjoy being in the ‘used furniture business’, well then, just stop reading this post RIGHT NOW. My faith-based morality originates from scripture in the Bible. Sex is to be saved for the marriage bed. Period.
2. You need to share those morals with your date. Now, for heaven’s sake, I’m not suggesting that you do that on the first date. Well – at least not at the beginning of the first date. You DON’T walk up to her and say, “Hi there, my name is Henry; I don’t want to have sex with you” all in the same breath. But when you DO see that she IS worth your investment of heart and soul, you NEED to communicate your desire to save that culminating act of love for marriage; if/when that ever happens for the two of you.
By vocalizing that desire and commitment with her, it’ll accomplish two things: first it should earn her respect for you. Secondly, the two of you will become a team working together to honor that commitment.
Typically, when I expressed the desire to remain celibate with a woman I was dating, she automatically became my partner to hold me accountable to that ambition. When my passions were aroused and I wanted to ‘cross the line’, IF SHE TRULY CARED ABOUT ME AND OUR RELATIONSHIP, she would gently stop me. My normal reaction to being stopped by a woman would be that of rejection – I’d be upset, put off, frustrated. You men know exactly what I’m talking about. But realizing that she did it because she cared about me – and more important, cared about ‘us’, I accepted her ‘brakes’ with grace.
And vice versa. There were times when she would start to ‘cross the line’. And then it was my responsibility to put ‘on the brakes’. And she understood my response. She wasn’t offended. When you’re a team – ONE OF YOU should have self control (like a designated driver). And since you ARE A TEAM working towards the same goal, the odds are pretty good that ONE OF YOU WILL HAVE SELF CONTROL WHEN THE OTHER IS WEAK. (Especially if both of you are committed to the teachings of scripture.)
If your relationship is what it should be with our Jesus Christ, HE WILL PROVIDE. Way, WAY back in my adolescent years of dating – and now all the way through these current widower years, I have had help from my Heavenly Father with my commitment to remain celibate. There were MANY times when ‘out of nowhere’, an interruption like a phone call, text, door bell, clanking heat pipes, or some other unexpected noise or event interrupted an inappropriate session of intimacy.
3. Don’t put yourself in compromising situations: plan your dates well; little or no down time. You’ll both be wondering “OK, so now what do we do? Nothing else to do so let’s make out.” My advice – stay busy. Fill the time. OR – go double dating – or dating with a group. It will help keep you away from too much time alone.
4. Plan to have devotions together when you’re most vulnerable. For me, it was late evening when I was at my weakest. Oh, and make your goodnight’s brief. Agree to keep those final kisses to 5 seconds or less.
5. Save your passionate creativity for after the marriage. I remember doing something special with Hershey’s miniature candy bars. It was kinky – but it was oh, so much fun. SAVE IT for your marriage! Your marriage bed should be anything but routine. But don’t exhaust your creativity before the marriage. It will get you in trouble!
6. Use the weapons/armor that God’s given to you. If you really wanted be a successful hitter against a Cy Young pitcher, you’d study his pitches, his strategies, and his techniques for getting batters out. You’d then use all you’ve been taught to beat him. As a follower of Christ, you’d better be using all of the weapons He makes available for you to fight against Satan (see Ephesians 6); scripture, prayer, worship music, etc.
7. Share your need for support with an accountability friend or group. Their prayers for you will make a huge difference. And knowing that they’re holding you accountable will help you be true to your convictions.
8. WALK AWAY from the temptress! FROM the Jezebel spirit! GET AWAY from the temptation. Stop tolerating it.
9. Don’t feed your mind with garbage like x-rated movies or pornography. All it will do is make you compromise your beliefs.
10. Avoid the alcohol & other inhibition-lowering ‘stuff’ that’s out there. Using it will only weaken you by lowering your standards and your morals.
My experience with ‘Ruby’, my wife of 38 years proved to me that God will reward your marriage if you save that ultimate expression of love for marriage. Without me giving documentation to prove that fact, just trust me on that claim. There’s no question in my mind. God will bless you and your future wife if you trust His guideline for that behavior. For more information on this topic, check out crosswalk.com.
Thanks goes to ‘George’ for the inspiration of this post, and to ‘Elmer’ for the title of this post.