Broken But Healing…lessons learned by a dating widower

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Posted January 28, 2013
Don’t know quite where to begin, except at the beginning.  First of all, I’ll change names of everyone (and my profile picture).  All events are factual, but names will be changed to protect the innocent . . . (like me).  And I’ve never blogged before.  So I’ll keep this first posting relatively brief . . .
I lost my wife of 38 years to cancer in 2010.  That was over 2 1/2 years ago as I start writing this blog.  She was the love of my life.  I think back to the days and the times we spent together, and realize that they were ALL a blessing by God.  She should have died much earlier.  But I am and will be eternally grateful that she didn’t.  Grateful that God allowed us to find each other, and to love each other.
She endured 7 years of chemo, hospitalizations, and near death side effects.  She suffered much in the last several months of her life, so I know that her passing was the final step in her ultimate healing.  I know . . . yes, I know . . . and I’m thankful that she is not suffering and that she’s in the loving hands of our Heavenly Father (and all those other comments that well meaning acquaintances tell you).  But I still miss her.  And I think I always will.  Don’t know how else to explain it ‘cept to say it feels like I had an amputation.  I never had one – but it feels like I had half of my heart removed; half of my brain; half of my purpose for living; half of desire to do anything.  OK, I lied.  Change the word ‘half’ to 85%.
But I refuse to close the book on this life of mine.  I’m sure God has many more chapters left to write at my tender age (of 60+). So – after waiting about 8 months after her passing, I decided I wanted to begin dating.  Guess that was too soon, but I was really lonely, and thought I’d enjoy the company of being with a woman.
The first lesson I learned as a ‘dating widower’ – was that it was too soon.  I dated a laundry list of women – most of which I found on line and lived relatively close (within a 2 hour drive of me).  And after a maximum of 3 dates with any one of them, I called it quits, and moved on to the next woman.  I’m embarrassed to admit that.  In fact, I suppose all the lessons I’ll be sharing in my dating escapades will be moments of embarrassment.  Guess that’s what makes them ‘lessons’.
Oh, need to mention one thing at this blogging crossroad . . . as I type this first blog, I’m still single . . . and dating . . . and making mistakes . . . but learning, slowly.

4 thoughts on “Broken But Healing…lessons learned by a dating widower

  1. Lost my dear wife of 28 years to cancer 3 weeks ago. Yesterday was very difficult for me until I came across your website. Thank you so much for the Godly reminders you have included. It has truly been a blessing to me. May God continue to bless you richly.

    • Thank you, Alan, for sharing your pain. It hurts. Bad! And all the people who THINK they know how you feel – DON’T – unless they too were married for 28 or more years to an amazing woman like your wife and lost them to the horrors of cancer. So, I really don’t have any advice to give you except to lean on the Lord and lean on family & friends. The Lord put them in your life for this time. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of guy who never admits I need anyone else’s help. But I was wrong. I needed the help of other people (especially a Godly man trained in grief counseling). I made a ton of mistakes along the way – as you will read in subsequent posts. Don’t hesitate to leave comments and/or ask questions. I’ll enjoy learning from you as well!

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