“Not Thy Will, But Mine Be Done” (Post #32) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower
I don’t know whose DNA I inherited when it comes to personality; my mother’s or my father’s. For the most part, I think I’m pretty easy to get along with. I think I’m congenial, pleasant, cooperative, sociable, affable, undemanding, and easy to please.
OK . . . now to be truthful.
More recently, I’m finding that my personality is transforming. Depending on the situation or depending on the temperament of the person with whom I am interacting, I can be downright arrogant. I can be ‘type A’, demanding and argumentative. Please realize that I’m only admitting this to you, a faithful & private reader of my blog. I’d never admit it to a woman that I’m dating. I’d only show her my congenial side.
To be frank, I have a hard time being submissive.
Where did that originate? I don’t really remember being that way when married to ‘Ruby’. I lived to love her. I lived to please her. I loved putting her first. I lived unselfishly. I loved making her happy. I considered her feelings and wishes before my own. And she reciprocated. After all, isn’t that the basis for a great marriage?
But there’s no ‘Ruby’ now.
And I’m starting to frighten myself. The longer that I am a single male, the worse I’m getting. The higher my age-number climbs, the more stubborn I’m becoming. Is there a ‘point of no return’ when it comes to being a single male (or female)? If I choose to remain single for an extended period of time, will I become reclusive? Unsociable? Content in my cocoon? I know that healthy grieving takes time . . . but is there a threshold I can exceed where I become UNCOMFORTABLE or UNWILLING to consider dating or remarriage.
The longer that I’m single, the more unwavering I am becoming on certain qualities in a future mate:
a) spiritually healthy
c) in good physical shape
f) emotionally healthy
g) healthy love of family
h) great sense of humor
Is that too much to ask? I’ve had that list about a year after ‘Ruby’ died. But, you know, the longer that I’m single, that ‘must have’ list seems to be growing. For example; I also have these ‘unwritten’ qualities (until now) that I WANT in my mate:
i) spiritually compatible (our theology should match)
j) I’ve gotta feel a ‘spark’ when I’m with her
k) financially independent
l) musically compatible (sharing similar passions & dispassions)
m) she’s gotta tolerate, and maybe even support my love of sports, nature, music, traveling, and entertainment.
n) politically compatible
o) she’s gotta LOVE being active – no ‘couch potato’ or ‘stay-at-home-hermit’
I’m worrying myself now. By next month, I may have added 5 more to that list. And at that rate, by next year, I will have run out of alphabet! And opportunities! And patience. And time.
ON THE VERY FIRST DATE THAT I HAD AFTER ‘RUBY’ DIED (see post #2), my date ‘Alice’ proclaimed, “…most of the single men I know are just happy to remain single.” WHOA NELLY! WAS THAT PROPHETIC OR WHAT?! And now I wonder . . . I don’t know if there is a correlation of that seemingly prophetic statement with the age of men, or their widowed condition, or of the length of their singleness.
But I do know this. There IS a correlation between God working in my life, and His perfect will for this imperfect male. That’s all I really need. Come to think of it, that’s all I really want.
PLEASE NOTE: The title of this post has been intentionally misquoted. Click here to see the original quotation of Matthew 26:39.