Deal Breakers (Post #23)


“Deal Breakers”  (Post #23) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower

I am not God’s gift to women.

Not even close.

But there have been times when on a date I’ve been repulsed to the point where I want to just yell “WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?”

So – here’s my list of ‘deal breakers’ (situations that make me want to walk away from a relationship).  These probably won’t match yours.  (After all, many of you reading this post are women.)  But when you’re finished reading this list, you ought to think about tweaking your own list.  So – here’s my list – in no particular order.

Deal breaker #1:  Unhealthy.  If they show no self control when eating, when exercising, when using medications – then they’re history.

Deal breaker #2:  Dissimilar Faith.  They’ve got to share the faith that I have.  If it’s our first date, sooner or later the conversation will reveal if she believes as I believe (if you haven’t figured it out yet by my other posts, I’m a Bible believing Christian).  And it really helps if she’s committed and in love with our Lord.  If she’s a pseudo-believer, I should be able to see that very early in our relationship.  And if that’s the case, as is has been with several of my dates, then I’m cuttin’ the ties.

Deal breaker #3:  Undisciplined.  If they have no control over their finances, or if they exhibit no self control with their libido, or if they have poor control of their communication (spoken & written), then I’m hitting the highway.

Deal breaker #4:  Repulsive children.  I once had a pet female mouse, that after giving birth to 5 cuddly pink babies, she ATE THEM!  Guess she knew how they’d turn out when they grew up. I had a date once that should have eaten hers.  The rest of her extended family was absolutely wonderful.  I loved them dearly.  But, the adult kids . . . incorrigible, antagonistic, ungodly, selfish, immature; and that was on a GOOD day!  I guess they didn’t approve of me.  And I certainly was not impressed by them.  A blended relationship (and potential future marriage) is difficult enough without that contention.  Auf Wiedersehen!  Au revoir!

Deal breaker #5:  Motherly.  Now, don’t misunderstand me.  I think a woman who’s been a mother has an edge in attraction for me over one who’s childless.  Sorry, I’m just being honest here. They have an empathy and compassion for people that is unique to mothers.  But I’m complaining about a woman who wants to treat ME like they’re my mother.  Like giving me advice that they’d give a child.  Sorry. I’m sure some men would like that – but I have too much Scotch-Irish blood in me to tolerate that behavior.  Love me.  Don’t mother me.  Please.

Deal breaker #6:  Perfect.  If a woman can’t admit to a mistake, if she never makes a mistake, if she considers herself flawless, indefectible or impeccable . . . it’s a major turn off for me.  As a dating widower who’s also lost one wife to annulment (read post #6), I’ve learned two invaluable words in the English language (besides “yes, dear”), and they are “I’m sorry.”  If my lady is incapable of saying “I’m sorry”, or believes that she’s perfect, I’ll never measure up to her standards.  And I don’t wanna try.

Deal breaker #7: Untruthful.  One year I helped my date do her income tax return (for those of you in another country, we have to do that every year here in the U.S.A.  We have to tell the government how much money we made in the previous year – and then send it in!  Just kidding.)   I was stunned by the lack of honesty she exhibited when telling Uncle Sam how much money she earned.  I knew the truth – but she wasn’t about to reveal it on her income tax return.  Now if a woman lies to the government, would ya think she’d ever be less than truthful to others?  Ah – h – h, yeah.  And over time, she WAS less than truthful to herself . . . AND me.  Time for me to take a hike.

Each of the above deal breakers were actually observed with women that I’ve dated.  Did I HEED the ‘writing on the wall’ when the deal breaker occurred?  Not always.

Wish I had.

I wear glasses, but my hindsight is 20/20.  Learn from my mistakes.  Please! 

6 thoughts on “Deal Breakers (Post #23)

  1. You understand that there are PLENTY of guys out there,
    but you also know that not everyone of them is truly worth dating.
    Some men are actually simply aiming to fool around, some are not truly all that serious
    about finding someone to have a relationship with, and some are visiting end up bringing absolutely
    nothing but pain along with them and you do not actually need any of that.

    • You are so right, Tulisa. Men (and women) are like used cars. Some are lemons. Some are rotten apples. Some belong in a junk yard. But some also ARE faithful, reliable, and trustworthy. And you’ll never know what they are until you take them on a test drive.

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