She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (Post #22)


“She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not”   (Post #22) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower

When I was a young child and had a ‘crush’ on a girl, many times I’d pick a daisy from my mother’s flower bed, and begin pulling off the petals.  After pulling off the 1st petal, I’d say “She loves me.”  And after the 2nd petal, I’d say “She loves me not.”  I’d keep repeating this until all the petals were removed.  The last petal would indicate (supposedly) whether or not the girl really loved me.

Yeah . . . it was a childish way to determine true love.

As a dating widower, I learned that it’s just a bit more difficult to determine if a woman really loves me, or if she’s in love with something else in her life (for example: her job, her former spouse, her deceased husband, or her children and grandchildren).  With one woman that I dated, I learned this the hard way – after spending some time traveling with her.

She WAS an exceptional traveler.  She was so much fun!  She was a great planner, yet flexible.  She enjoyed my impulsivity and shared interesting conversation.  She adapted well to schedule changes and she loved traveling to the same kind of sites as me.

So, no problem traveling with her . . . right? . . . Wrong!

You see, she LOVED her children and grandchildren.  Did you catch that word in all CAPS?  She just didn’t love them, she L-O-V-E-D them.  In fact, I learned that her whole life was wrapped around them.  She LIVED for them.  And any length of time away from them, she became despondent and felt a homesickness for them.  It really appeared as if she was in a codependent relationship with them . . . to the point that she suddenly called it ‘quits’ on OUR relationship.  I was jilted.  But in hindsight, I’m now grateful.

Don’t take me wrong.  I certainly LOVE my children and grandchildren too.  So VERY, VERY MUCH.  And I love spending time with them.  But, they have their lives, and I have mine.  I am not codependent.  They make me happy, but my happiness is not dependent on them, or my presence with them.

Those of you who are divorcees or widowers . . . I don’t know what kind of woman you are looking for.  But as for me, I want a woman who actually loves my Jesus more than ANYTHING or ANYONE else (even more than me).  She should love her children and grandchildren – but shouldn’t have them #1 on her list.  She needs to be a woman whose happiness isn’t dependent on her offspring.  Oh, and I’d like to eventually be #2 on her list, after her love for the Lord.

Is that too much to ask?  If so, I don’t think I’ll ever get remarried.

I do love to travel.  I’ve got numerous places on my bucket list to visit before I go ‘subterranean’.   But this is one thing that I’ve learned.  Traveling (not just a day trip) with a woman who you are considering making a permanent part of your life, will reveal a lot about that woman.  You’ll get to see what frustrates her, and what frustrates you about her.  You’ll get to see ‘quirks’ that you’d better be ready to love – that is if you plan to love her for the rest of your life.  And just like me, you just may get to observe what she REALLY loves – or DOESN’T love.

{By the way, don’t go and confuse your brain by being ‘intimate’ with her during this travel experience.  All that’ll do is to distort your perception of reality while you’re traveling.  And besides, if you truly love her, that will be saved as an expression of love in marriage.}

 NOTE: Photo of daisy used with permission by photographer Bogdan Popa from Romania.



2 thoughts on “She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not (Post #22)

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