Field of Dreams (Post #20)

broken-heart-wallpaper (6)

“Field of Dreams”   (Post #20) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower

As I look over a field of newly germinated corn that my friend and I planted, I see some plants that are taller than the rest.  Closer examination reveals that they have broader leaves and are deeper green in color.  Hm-m-m.  Yet, all the seeds planted in this 45 acre field were the same variety and from the same seed company and planted on the same day.  Hm-m-m!  When I look closer, I realize that the soil color of this section is slightly different, and that these plants are growing in a lower section of the field.

Same seeds.  Different results.  My only conclusion can be that the taller ones must be getting richer nutrients.

As I look over a field of single available women, some just seem to be ‘taller than the rest’.  Closer examination reveals that they have a stronger faith.  Their roots seem to be thicker and totally immersed in the rich Word of God.

This observation takes me back to my childhood days.  I was raised by a Bible-believing mother and father.  And in the process, my mom frequently reminded me and my siblings of the verse from II Corinthians 6:14

          Do not be yoked together with unbelievers…

There was a reason why she pounded that into my skull.  You see, as a young lady, she actually made that mistake.   She married dad, and dad’s set of beliefs were completely different than mom’s.  Through much prayer on her part, and through the efforts of a dynamic evangelist, dad changed.  He turned his life over Jesus Christ and made a complete turn-around, all before I was born.  Thank God.

Oh, back to ‘lessons learned’.

I remember the year I began dating ‘Ruby’ (my wife of 38 years).  It was 1970.  I remember calling mom from college, and excitedly telling her that I was starting to date this fantastic girl.  Mom wasn’t impressed.  She curtly responded “well . . . does she go to ____________” (name of our church denomination).  To which I responded “No, mom.  But she is the strongest Bible-believing Christian girl I know.”

Mom’s response?               Silence.

Now that’s saying something!  Cause mom always had something to say about anything.  But her silence loudly affirmed my selection of ‘Ruby’.

And, today, 50+ years later, I can still hear mom’s voice reminding me to not be “unequally yoked with an unbeliever.”  Even as a 62-year-old mature male (OK, OK – strike the ‘mature’ part).  The same advice MUST apply no matter my age; no matter when I am dating or looking to marry.

My mistakes you ask?

1) I’ve dated women who were NOT Bible-believing Christian women.

WHAT I LEARNED: not a smart decision

2) I’ve dated women who were ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’  They claimed they believed as I did, but their actions proved otherwise

WHAT I LEARNED: it took some time for me to observe this, and even more time for me to admit this ‘red flag’, but when I was honest with myself, I realized I had to move to a different part of the ‘field’

3) I’ve dated women who WERE Bible-believing Christians, but their roots were thin, or they only ‘lived’ their select and favorite sections of the Bible.

WHAT I LEARNED: Just like a corn stalk which is robbed of nutrients, the ‘fruit’ of this type of woman would be scrawny.  Our marriage would be contentious and would not bear the ‘fruit’ God had intended.

Just as April 11, 2013’s devotional in ‘Our Daily Bread’ reminds me, God will never ‘throw in the towel’ on me.  He’ll never turn His back on my needs.  And although I may have been living in some lean years since my wife’s passing, He promises to “restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.”  (Joel 2:25)  I’m counting on it, Lord!


10 thoughts on “Field of Dreams (Post #20)

  1. Hello there! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout
    out and say I truly enjoy reading your posts. Can
    you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same topics?
    Thank you!

    • I also have had a difficult time finding similar sites that talk about these unique problems for widowers. Guess too many of us have been silent for too long about these problems. But with readers from over 20 countries, I think the problems are universal, even though our cultures are varied.

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  3. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this
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    • Well, I’m certainly glad you found me! Now if the subject matter doesn’t apply to you, feel free to pass it along to someone you know that could benefit. AT LEAST ONE PERSON FROM EVERY MARRIAGE IN THE WORLD WILL DEAL WITH WIDOWHOOD.

  4. You are so awesome! I don’t think I have read through anything like that before. So good to find someone with unique thoughts on this subject matter. Seriously.. many thanks for starting this up. This site is one thing that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!

    • Your comments are flattering. But seriously, I’m just a sinner who’s trying to learn from my mistakes. And I pray (literally) that these posts might help someone from making the same mistakes I’ve made.

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