Motive for Mediocre Marriage (Post #19)

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“Motive for a Mediocre Marriage”   (Post #19) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower

For those of you who have a mediocre or rotten marriage – you are SO fortunate.

As for myself, I had a GREAT marriage to ‘Ruby’.  Sure, we had our speed bumps; every couple does.  But ‘Ruby’ was the type of woman who was so easy to love.  She was the kind of woman who I loved to love.  Even after an incredible session of intimate eros love, I still loved to be with her; spending time with her; staying close to her.  Can YOU say that about YOUR marriage??? 

Loving ‘Ruby’ was so much fun.  Heck-fire, LIVING with ‘Ruby’ was so much fun.  I truly felt the love of God in our marriage.  I was so blessed.  She was filled with the love of God; I actually felt loved by God through that woman.  Even after 38 years of marriage, I still loved her presence.  It was magical.  Our love was magical.

So, why are husbands in mediocre or rotten marriages SO fortunate?  Let me explain.

Since I’ve been a dating widower, I’ve had some weak moments when I actually told a woman that I loved her.  That’s right.  I said those words . . . to two women I dated.  One ended in a marriage that was prematurely annulled by my wife ‘Jill’ (Remember ‘Jill’?  She was mentioned in Post #10).  The other woman was ‘Fanny’ (also mentioned in Post #10), a woman who I honestly convinced myself that I loved. About a month later I came to my senses and realized that this relationship would NEVER work.

But now looking back at BOTH of these experiences, now many months removed, I can see WHAT (not WHO) I truly loved.

I believe I was in love with ‘love’! 

The love I had for ‘Ruby’ was so real, so lasting, so consuming, so wonderful, so deep, so Godly . . . I missed that SO much when she died . . . I wanted it again SO much, that I announced it prematurely; so soon – so early – when one or two elements of ‘Ruby’-like love were manifested in a budding relationship.  I learned, all too late, that I wasn’t in love with the woman, I was in love with ‘love’.  As a good friend once told me, I was so enamored with ‘love’, that I “overlooked the red flags”.

I suppose if I would NOT have had that wonderful marriage to ‘Ruby’, if I merely would have had a mediocre marriage, it would have been a LOT easier grieving; a LOT easier coping; and a LOT easier replicating a mediocre or rotten marriage.

I was reminded that loving and being loved by ‘Ruby’ was truly a God gift, an undeserved blessing from God.  I learned that a Godly marriage required God’s timing, His discernment, His providence, His wisdom; not my faulty timing or logic.  And that marriage deserves my gratitude for our Heavenly Father . . .  for his amazing grace that allowed me to experience true Godly love  . . . at least one time in my life. 

Disclaimer:  I certainly am not recommending mediocre or rotten marriages with the writing of this post.  I would only hope that you would strive to have the same kind of marriage that ‘Ruby’ and I had.  It is my hope and prayer that any marriage I may have in the future would also be a Godly marriage.


94 thoughts on “Motive for Mediocre Marriage (Post #19)

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    • Like I explained (top right corner of the page), I never really wanted to write a blog. But I learned that writing about my mistakes was actually quite therapeutic. It’s painful for me to admit to the world what I’ve done wrong. But – I’m the ‘expert’ on my own mistakes.
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