“Single Sucks, But So Does Dripping” (Post #18) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower
When reading these posts, don’t forget my history. I was married for 38 years before ‘Ruby’ died. I’ve recently done some thinking about my past and have realized that before ‘Ruby’ died, I NEVER LIVED ALONE. In college? – had a roommate. During college summers? – either roomed with someone, or resided with my parents during a summer job. Prior to college? – lived all 18 years at home with my parents and siblings. So – prior to age 60, I never lived alone.
And then ‘Ruby’ died.
Sorry, I can’t explain it more clearly with the English language. And those of you reading this post who are either widowed, divorced, separated, or have recently become single . . . you KNOW what I’m talking about.
I climbed into bed for 38 consecutive years, cuddled up to a loving wife for 38 wonderful years . . . and then, all of a sudden – BAM – no one. That sucks. It’s been almost 3 years now. You’d think that I’d be getting used to it. But, not happening.
Times when it sucks for me to be single: (here’s a short list of 10 times)
1. Climbing into bed (oh, did I mention that already??)
2. Valentine’s Day
3. Remembering special calendar dates (like first date, anniversaries, death date, spouse’s birthday, etc.)
4. Holidays: New Years, Christmas, Easter,
5. Going to a restaurant, eating by myself at home
6. Traveling; going on a vacation
7. When I’m proud of something – she’s not there to tell OR when I’m hurting – she’s not there to listen
8. Visiting places that were special to both of you
9. When I come home to an empty house after working.
10. Going by myself to a show – and seeing other couples having a good time
I’m sure you could add 10 more.
Yes – Single sucks. But I’ve been reminded that being married to the wrong woman could be worse . . . in fact, it could be ‘hell on earth’. Allow me to quote some verses from Proverbs that substantiate this premise (most were written by Solomon, the wisest king of Israel who had plenty of experience with women): (all quotations are from the New International Version)
Prov 19:13 “…a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”
Proverbs 21:9 & 19 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”
Proverbs 27: 15-16 “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day. Restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.”
Proverbs 30: 21 & 23 “Under three things the earth trembles, under four it cannot bear up;” “an unloved woman who is married, and a maidservant who displaces her.”
And then there are these gems:
Proverbs 11:22 “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”
Proverbs 12:4 “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.”
Proverbs 17:1 “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.”
Proverbs 31: 3 “Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.”
So, as I travel on this ‘land-mine-lined’ path of a dating widower, I have learned that it’s BETTER to:
1) stay single – rather than marry the wrong woman!
2) break up after dating a wrong woman – rather than marry the wrong woman!
3) choose not date – rather than marry the wrong woman!
4) never marry again – rather than (yup, you guessed it), rather than marry the wrong woman!
But for the grace of God, I am (currently) NOT married to the wrong woman. And I can also proclaim, because of the grace of God, I am single! Thank God!