Ticking Clock (Post #9)

 

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“Ticking Clock”    (Post #9) Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower

I never wanted to be mediocre in my job.  With the fear that I’ll be identified by women I’ve dated in my past, I won’t reveal my vocation.  For fantasy purposes, let’s just say that I was a professional football player in the NFL.  “I had some good years and some great years.  I felt successful as a tight end on my team.  I scored a few key game-winning touchdowns for my team.  But I even felt better about my career with key blocks I made that let my teammates succeed.  But I never, NEVER wanted to keep playing football after I was no longer helping my team; after I had “lost a step”; after I was no longer effective or just a mediocre player.  I wanted to retire on my own terms – when I was at the ‘top of my game’.”  I’m sure YOU have seen many a man stay in his job longer than he should have; staying long after he lost his ‘edge’; continuing to work when he was a ‘liability’, not an asset.  I never wanted to be that man.

Transfer that mentality to the dating world.  When my wife ‘Ruby’ passed away, I was 59 years old.  HOLY COW!  I thought “Oh NO!  In a few short months I’ll be the decrepit age of 60!!  And when I’m 60, NO woman in her late 40’s or 50’s will EVER be interested in me!  I’ve got to do something – and QUICK!!”

I learned that this mentality isn’t peculiar to men (or women) my age.  Just last week I talked with a 47 year old single man who said he was deathly afraid of reaching the age of 50, when he thought he wouldn’t be found attractive by women in their 30’s or 40’s.

The mistakes I’ve made because of this misconception?  I made some rash, foolhardy, reckless, thoughtless, demented, impulsive (am I getting my point across?) decisions.

  • I joined an on-line dating service WAY TOO SOON (WTS).
  • I started emailing women WTS!
  • I started calling women WTS!
  • I started dating women WTS!
  • I proposed to a woman WTS!
  • I remarried WTS!  (Get my point?)

All these actions were skewed by my perception – by my misconception of age.

Most emotions are responses to perception – what you think is true about a given situation.  If your perception is false, then your emotional response to it will be false too. *

My mind was really ‘skewed’.  When I was young I enjoyed dating older girls.  I even married one (‘Ruby’) who was older than me.   What’s up with my hang-up of dating older women now that I’m 62?  Paging through my ‘little black book’, I could identify at least a baker’s dozen older-than-me-women who are beautiful AND attractive.

It is quite simple really.  Being always transcends appearance – that which only seems to be. Once you begin to know the being behind the very pretty or very ugly face, as determined by your bias, the surface appearances fade away until they simply no longer matter.  *

* Both quotations are from Wm. Paul Young in The Shack  Copyright 2007  (Used by permission)

Now that you’ve finished reading this post, I’m sure you have some thoughts on this topic, and I’d love to know what they are.  Feel free to post your comments, whether you disagree or agree with what I’ve learned.  I’d be indebted to learn from your thoughts and experiences too! 

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