“Loaf of Bread” Post #6 Lessons Learned by a Dating Widower
I would recommend that you read Post #5 – “Birds of Prey” before reading this post.
Guess I could have called this post ‘Birds of Prey: Part Deux!’ ‘Cause this is the post where I admit that I DID fall for a ploy of a ‘hawk’ when dating. And remember, I’m sharing my faux pas so YOU don’t follow suit. In NO WAY am I proud of my mistakes. And in many ways, this particular mistake was my ‘coup de grace’, making me blush just to think about it. So I’m glad to be writing this as I sit alone in front of my laptop, without YOU looking over my shoulder.
I believe in saving sex for marriage. Hey, it’s Biblical, and just makes good sense. I was a virgin before my first marriage to ‘Ruby’, and I planned to honor that same ‘sex-saving’ commitment for my second marriage. (did you catch that past tense “planned”) Yeah, I was married a second time to a widow that caught me with her ‘lure’.
First – the background information. With ‘Ruby’ getting chemo for the last 7 years of her life, we needed to be creative when expressing intimacy. And we were. But by the time I started dating 8+ months after her passing . . . what can I say . . . the testosterone level was peaking. As I began the dating scene, I found it quite pleasurable to hold hands, rub a shoulder, or give a prolonged goodnight kiss. I quickly discovered that the woman on the receiving end was usually interested in doing more.
At this point of my monologue, allow me to share Proverbs 6:24-28 (NIV with some paraphrasing): “Stay away from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of a wayward wife. Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the woman with loose morals will reduce you to a loaf of bread, and will prey upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” Ah…… I learned that the answer to that question is ‘no’.
Now don’t think that I pulled a ‘Bill Clinton’. No, I kept my zipper zipped. But there was this one particular widow that sensed my physical ‘needs’ – and then transformed them into ‘wants’. It wasn’t much later that I dropped to one knee and proposed and she consented. When my daughter learned of my impulsive move, she correctly identified my behavior. “Dad, I think you’re letting your libido do your thinking.” And, you guessed it. I denied it. But she was right. I wanted ‘it’, and knew I shouldn’t have ‘it’ unless we were married. That marriage lasted only 79 days before the bride had it annulled. It only outlasted the historic Kardashian marriage by one week! (I’m so embarrassed.)
Remember that Cooper hawk I described in my last post – the one that ate the purple finch, and left nothing but a pile of feathers? Well, that purple finch COULD HAVE BEEN ME. But for the grace of God, she could have ‘taken me to the cleaners’ at settlement. As described in Proverbs, she could have left me destitute, and a lifetime employee at WalMart.
Lessons learned through this mistake; God IS merciful; don’t assume you can resist sexual temptation by yourself (“Pride goes before a fall”!); read Proverbs before going on a date; listen to your daughter’s advice; ‘make-up’ is correctly named (it can hide the grossest flaw).
Now that you’ve finished reading this post, I’m sure you have some thoughts on this topic, and I’d love to know what they are. Feel free to post your comments, whether you disagree or agree with what I’ve learned. I’d be indebted to learn from your thoughts and experiences too!