Broken but Healing (Post #1)

 

broken-heart-wallpaper (6)

BROKEN BUT HEALING . . .  Post #1
Originally Posted January 28, 2013

Don’t know quite where to begin, except at the beginning.  First of all, I’ll change names of everyone (and my profile picture).  All events are factual, but names will be changed to protect the innocent . . . (like me).  And I’ve never blogged before.  So I’ll keep this first posting relatively brief . . .

I lost my wife of 38 years to cancer in 2010.  That was over 2 1/2 years ago as I start writing this blog.  She was the love of my life.  I think back to the days and the times we spent together, and realize that they were ALL a blessing by God.  She should have died much earlier.  But I am and will be eternally grateful that she didn’t.  Grateful that God allowed us to find each other, and to love each other.

She endured 7 years of chemo, hospitalizations, and near death side effects.  She suffered much in the last several months of her life, so I know that her passing was the final step in her ultimate healing.  I know . . . yes, I know . . . and I’m thankful that she is not suffering and that she’s in the loving hands of our Heavenly Father (and all those other comments that well meaning acquaintances tell you).  But I still miss her.  And I think I always will.  Don’t know how else to explain it ‘cept to say it feels like I had an amputation.  I never had one – but it feels like I had half of my heart removed; half of my brain; half of my purpose for living; half of desire to do anything.  OK, I lied.  Change the word ‘half’ to 85%.

But I refuse to close the book on this life of mine.  I’m sure God has many more chapters left to write at my tender age (of 60+). So – after waiting about 8 months after her passing, I decided I wanted to begin dating.  Guess that was too soon, but I was really lonely, and thought I’d enjoy the company of being with a woman.

The first lesson I learned as a ‘dating widower’ – was that it was too soon.  I dated a laundry list of women – most of which I found on line and lived relatively close (within a 2 hour drive of me).  And after a maximum of 3 dates with any one of them, I called it quits, and moved on to the next woman.  I’m embarrassed to admit that.  In fact, I suppose all the lessons I’ll be sharing in my dating escapades will be moments of embarrassment.  Guess that’s what makes them ‘lessons’.

Oh, need to mention one thing at this blogging crossroad . . . as I type this first blog, I’m still single . . . and dating . . . and making mistakes . . . but learning, slowly.

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18 thoughts on “Broken but Healing (Post #1)

    • Well, Lloyd, not everyone agrees with me. But then again, that’s OK. I’m just writing from my point of view; from my experiences; and from my faith. But thank you SO MUCH, for your support!

  1. You can certainly see your enthusiasm within the article you write.
    The world hopes for more passionate writers such as you who
    aren’t afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

    • Thank you, Billige! I do put myself in a vulnerable position when I publicly admit my mistakes. That’s scary. I just hope that others will learn from my errors. Thanks for your encouragement.

  2. Good day! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in
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    • I’m thrilled to hear that you’ve got a project with this same niche. I’m sure you’ll be a huge help to people in need such as myself. Feel free to pose questions or suggestions for this blog. Thanks, Lloyd.

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  6. Hi, I just found your blog. I was widowed nearly 7 years ago and have just started seriously considered dating. I realize you are writing from a man’s perspective, but I’m going to read through your posts.

    What I wanted to particularly comment on here was your statement about feeling as though you’d had an amputation. That is *exactly* what I’ve told many people, and haven’t ever seen that written anywhere else. You feel as though something very vital has been amputated and can’t even put into words exactly what or where, but it’s very real and feel as though something has been ripped out of your very soul. God tells us that the two become one in a marriage, and to me it was a very real testimony (and reminder) of the truth of scripture.

    God bless you, looking forward to reading the rest of what you’ve written & will write in the future.

  7. I sincerely appreciate your comments, ‘Sharona’! And I’m excited for you – for making the decision to move forward with your life, and begin dating again. I think that you, as a widow, will learn MUCH from the mistakes that I’ve made. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll help you understand similar mistakes made by men that you’ll end up dating (whether they are widowers or not).
    You’ll notice that I’ve not added a new post for quite some time! And that’s not because I’ve stopped dating 🙂 There just may be some new posts written in the near future; lessons that I learned – yes…but not from mistakes that I made (thank God)!
    Feel free to leave additional comments. All of our readers would love to learn from your perspective as a dating widow.

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